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Oana's Blog on Human Nature

Author Oana takes on our daily lives and experiences from a very sarcastic humorous perspective.


I’m getting tired of all this fuss over rights and freedoms. We all want rights – with rights over rights – on top of rights. What is the purpose of displaying such greed when it comes to rights and freedoms? That I don’t know.

Don’t you get tired of those rights you never exercise?

To me, having rights you never exercise is like having a closet full of clothes you haven’t worn in a while, and even worse – you might not even want to wear ever again.

How many times have we gone through our dusty wardrobe just to put all those tens of shirts, skirts and jackets in a big bag and donate them to the poor?

I say this is what we should do as a civilized country: take all those old rights that we don’t use anyway and get rid of them. Give them to someone who can at least appreciate them!

Take all this controversy over women’s reproductive rights. While I am definitely against abortion as a contraceptive method, I still think these mouthy feminists and activists are blinded by the fake “enlightenment” promoters who teach them that they have rights over their bodies, blablabla. Girls, be grateful you are allowed to have children under the loving guidance of our men in the government. They know better! For if they didn’t, we wouldn’t grow up being taught – via subtle cute jokes, “wise” sayings, and inspiring imagery – that no matter how smart you are, you still cannot be as smart as a man! Keep in mind that history has seen some forceful sterilization – wink wink. Be humble, cherish what you got instead, and realize that by trying to take a right away, the government is at the same time trying to give a right to you – the right to reproduce yourself.

I say every woman of reproductive age should be periodically checked by a physician – visits are to be organized at the workplace with the helping hand of the regime – and if pregnant, she shall be closely monitored until she delivers the baby. She will also have to periodically report to her ''Pregnancy Parole Officer'' and I know that we could find lots of male volunteers among those who picket the abortion clinics, occasionally mauling a doctor or two. This way we shall solve the problem. Monitoring everyone's sexual activity and pregnancies is a PATRIOTIC duty. This is what I learned under Ceausescu’s dictatorship, and back then we thought that was an oppressive system. Now I see that those teachings were good and healthy, since the so called “free world” now finds them appealing and promotes them with passion.

If we were to take a closer look at the freedoms that are in our way, we can classify them in two categories: big freedoms and little freedoms.

Big freedoms are: the freedom to steal lots of money and get away with it and the freedom to control other people’s freedoms. Big freedoms are not for the average citizen, so they won’t affect us.

Little freedoms include: the freedom to daydream, the freedom to play Frisbee, and last but not least, the freedom to fight for your rights and lose them. I say we follow the ancient wisdom – try to stay positive and cherish the very few rights we have, instead of worrying too much about the ones we’ve lost. We can leave this legacy to the upcoming generations; otherwise they might get bored of too much good living.

For example, why all this fuss around the right to vote? I for one prefer to sip my coffee and listen to the live broadcasts from the voting stations in the privacy of my home, rather than going out to vote, especially if it rains. I hate rain, and I am sure other responsible citizens do as well.  Also, we have a lot of small, yet important things to take care of, like taking the cat to the groomer.  We only vote once a year, or every four years, while staring at a cat with bad hair every day is not an option. I know you will agree with me.

Besides, have you ever noticed that whenever we have to cast our votes to “save” the village, county, region and even country from undisclosed threats we make poor choices anyway? I wonder why. Then we get pissed at our own decisions and we decide to protest, which ends with the same social restlessness, demonstrations and occasionally some of us exercising our precious right to remain silent. I say we should avoid this perpetual canine habit of chasing our own tails from the very beginning.

Not everyone can make good decisions and know what they want. So what! So what! We are not alone. Take a look at the hate groups. While some of them succeed in finding the most pleasurable object of their hatred and are strictly anti-gay, anti-black, or anti-Semitic others admit to their helplessness and practice “general hate” instead. That is so wise! They are right, because we are divided, and we don’t have time to know each other. For example, what do I know about my Asian neighbors living down the street? Nothing – that’s what I know. What do they know about me? Nothing – that’s how it should be. Let us keep it mysterious and exotic. After all, if I really want to meet them, on certain weekends I can travel to their home, pitch a tent in their backyard – we are all too poor to afford vacations anymore – and imagine that I am in China enjoying my right to fortune cookies, while on other weekends they can come and visit my place, which it is a totally different country.

Now take this fancy right to education. For real, now.  From what I’ve heard in line at the grocery store, one of the purposes of the first public schools was to teach the citizens to read the ballot... so they could vote, duh. But we are too lazy to vote, or at least to think when we vote, why should we go to school in the first place?  See how we can simplify our lives just by giving it a little bit of… thinking?

While I turn on the TV waiting for my favorite dog show, I hear that they introduced an Amendment to The Freedom to Play Frisbee Act – one of those little yet important freedoms. According to this new Amendment we are still allowed to play the game, but we have to make sure our Frisbees don’t fly over the thick tall fence surrounding the select neighborhoods where power people live.

Otherwise, we get fined.

© 2011 by Oana


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